2023 Community Survey Report
Between April 15 and May 25, 2023, OPEN circulated a community survey designed to help us understand the experiences and needs of the non-monogamous population. 2,497 individuals who self-identify as non-monogamous responded to our survey and agreed for their responses to be included in our report – a 5x increase over our 2022 Community Survey! Our thanks to everyone who participated.
Click here to view the full report, or read some of our top-level takeaways below.
Survey respondents were heavily concentrated within the 25-54 age brackets (87.4%). A majority of respondents identified as part of the LGBTQIA+ community (57%), including 14% who identified as trans, nonbinary, or genderqueer. We collected responses from 48 countries; US respondents from 51 states and territories represented 77% of total responses.
The majority of respondents identified as polyamorous (60%), with about half of respondents (48.7%) having practiced non-monogamy for one to six years. Compared to our 2022 Community Survey, we received responses from people who identified with a broader distribution of relationship practices, and who on average had practiced non-monogamy for a longer time.
With the exception of with their “close friends,” the majority of respondents were “not at all open” or only “somewhat open” about their non-monogamous identity or relationships in every area of their life surveyed – such as with parents, employers, and faith communities, and extended friendships and acquaintances. Research has shown that not being able to be fully open about all aspects of one’s identity can negatively impact mental health. Typically, respondents reported concealing their non-monogamous relationships in order to avoid experiencing stigma and discrimination:
"My community is very conservative and if I came out, it would affect my job and could result in me being fired.”
“In the military you cannot be ENM when you're married. It can result in looking like "infidelity" and you can potentially get discharged."
"My mother and father would kick me out if they found out I was practicing non-monogamy. My mom already shuns me and my father doesn't know. I don't want to know what he'd do if he found out"
“I’d like to be open throughout my life but I can’t/don’t because of concerns over child custody.”
55% of respondents reported experiencing stigma or prejudice on the basis of their non-monogamous identity in some area, including 2.7% in housing; 6.9% in employment; 33% in family acceptance; 10.2% in divorce or child custody; 32% in community and social acceptance; 16% in healthcare or mental healthcare; and 6.9% in city, state, or federal services. This excludes people who marked “does not apply to me” in a given area, as well as people practicing non-monogamy for less than one year. While the 55% figure is lower than our 2022 findings, it is consistent with other academic research on this question and likely reflects regression to the mean.
LGBTQ individuals were more likely to report experiences of stigma and discrimination than cisgendered or heterosexual individuals, demonstrating the compounding harm that can come with multiple marginalized identities. Additionally, individuals practicing non-monogamy for more than six years were more likely to report experiences of discrimination than those who had been practicing for one to six years. Interestingly, this trend reverses when it comes to "family acceptance" and "social/community acceptance," suggesting that longer exposure may lead to increased acceptance.
Experiences of stigma and discrimination included the following individual accounts:
Family acceptance: "Family disowned me and called me disgusting when they found out about me and my wife being non-monogamous."
Community acceptance: “My child's best friend's mom no longer let her child come play at our house when she first found out I was polyamorous.”
Mental healthcare: "My therapist fundamentally rejects the idea of polyamory, says people are intrinsically monogamous underneath it all.
Healthcare: "My doctor [...] resisted giving me full sexual health checkups, plus lectured me about my life choices."
Employment: "Lost students in my school when I came out. Got hate calls on work answering machine. Was threatened of being accused of being a pedophile cause I work with children."
Immigration: "Was denied partnership visa because the immigration officer accidentally found out we had been poly [...] 'Stable and genuine relationship' is defined as an exclusive relationship."
Adoption: “I can't submit an application to adopt a child because it would be rejected if they knew I was non-mono”
Custody: “My ex took me to court over custody of our children and used my polyamory against me on the stand.”
Support our work to normalize and empower non-monogamous communities and relationships by donating today! OPEN is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization; donations are tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law.
