Meetups & Mixers Hosting Guide

Part II: Planning and Promotion

Scheduling (when)

The type of event you’re trying to run will determine the best time to schedule it. In our experience, outdoor, daytime events like a picnic or hike are best scheduled for a late morning or early afternoon on a weekend day. We also recommend weekends for events that target parents and families. For indoor, evening events we recommend choosing a weekday evening, when there will be less competition with other events. Here’s when the authors of this guide schedule their events:

  • Hike: 10am on Saturday or Sunday

  • Happy Hour: 7pm-11pm on the second Monday of each month

  • Picnic / Potluck: 1pm-4pm on Saturday or Sunday

Once you’ve selected a good day and time for your event, we recommend sticking to that time every month (or however frequently you plan to run your event). This consistency makes it easier for people to mark their calendars in advance. If you’re not able to set a recurring time, it’s a good idea to announce your event as far in advance as possible so that people can plan ahead.

Venues (where)

🏠 At a home

For smaller and more intimate events, a private home (or back yard) can be a lovely place to host. Here are some questions to raise with your host before the event:

  • When are they available to host? Are there days or times that are easier for them?

  • How many people can the home accommodate?

  • What is parking like?

  • Is the home accessible to wheelchair users or individuals with other mobility limitations?

  • Are there pets in the home that people with allergies need to be aware of?

  • What supplies can the host provide, and what will you provide? Think: extra seating, utensils, napkins, cups, etc. We 💚 reusables!

  • Is everyone in the home (e.g. roommates) aware of the event and OK with it being hosted there?

Because hosting an event at a home can involve a little more work (i.e. setup and cleanup), you may want to rotate hosting duties. While this does require a bit more coordination to identify a new host each month, it can be a great way to engage attendees by inviting them to host!

🧉 At a bar, restaurant, cafe, or other venue

Hosting your event at a bar, restaurant, coffee shop, or other business can be much easier, since the venue will typically take care of providing food, cleaning up, and so on. If your event is on the smaller side, it may be possible to just show up and take over a table or an area of the bar. The benefit is that this is free and easy to organize; the downside is that attendees may not know who is there for the mixer and who’s not. It is also not as private a space, so some discussions about relationships and sex may be limited.

As your event grows, you may want to book a private area or even a whole venue. The downside is that there is often a cost associated with renting a private space. However, this is not always the case! For example, the monthly “Nonmonogameetup” in Oakland, California takes over a whole bar on the first Monday of every month. Mondays are normally a slow night for the bar, but because the event brings in so many attendees, the bar is able to host their private event for no cost – a real win-win! These types of arrangements are easier if you can identify a non-monogamous-owned venue, and invest in building a relationship with the owners.

If you do host your event at a bar, we recommend working with the bar to make sure there are non-alcoholic options available for people who don’t consume alcohol. It’s also nice to have an outdoor space (such as a patio) available for smokers, as well as for people who are more COVID-conscious and avoid indoor gatherings.

📍 Events that Change Location

Hikes, bike-trips, museum-crawls and other roaming event types offer a great way to connect and build community, but they’re almost never in the same place twice. Make sure you give people all the information they need to arrive at the right place, at the right time, prepared for the terrain.

💡 Some Other Amazing Place

Finally, there may be other gathering spaces besides a restaurant, bar, or cafe. Examples include co-working spaces with meeting rooms; office space or other facilities of non-profit or community organizations, and public function spaces (in your local school, town hall, etc.). Ask around to see what’s out there!

Spreading the Word (who)

Once you’ve locked in the details for your event, it’s time to start recruiting attendees. This is the really critical part! After all, you can’t have a social event without any people.

🫂 Promoting Inside Your Immediate Circle

It’s helpful to start with your existing social circles when creating a new event.

Having a core group of people initially sets the vibe of your event and ensures that you will have fun even if turnout for your event is low. If you can get two or three friends to commit to attending, you’ll need never know the disappointment of sitting alone waiting for people to show up.

Get up in those DMs! - When getting your event off the ground, it can be very helpful to message people about your event directly to let them know you’re starting a thing and they should be there!

🤝 Promoting Outside Your Immediate Circle:

  • Share your event online, especially in groups for your city or region. Most large cities have non-monogamy discussion groups on Facebook. There are also often Facebook groups for communities that may have a lot of overlap with non-monogamous communities such as groups oriented around queer identities, kink, ecstatic dance, acro yoga, circus arts, etc.

  • Post flyers in places where you think your target audience might see them, such as bars, sex shops, nightlife venues, etc.

  • Consider creating a Facebook event to make it easier for people to invite their non-monogamous friends.

  • We suggest sharing your event on Plura (FKA Bloom), a dating and events platform for kinky, queer, and non-monogamous people. Here’s how. Plura events have a chat feature, making it possible for event attendees to mingle online before the event starts!

More Tips for Promoting Your Event

  • Be clear about the nature of the event. Is it purely a social event, or will there be a discussion or other activity? How long will it run? Is there a cost? Can attendees bring their kids? What about their pets?

  • Ask people to invite and bring their friends! This is a good way to turn one attendee into two or three.

  • Connect with non-monogamous community leaders or event organizers in your community. Is there a play party series or lifestyle club in the nearest big city, even if it’s an hour away? Community/event organizers often have an email list that they can reach out to, or can put you in touch with other people in your local area. While you might need to do a bit of research and networking to find the right people, it can be a huge force multiplier.

  • A personal touch will go a long way. Directly text or message people that said they plan to come, even if they’re a “maybe.” Ask people who else they think you should reach out to. A personal touch can make a big difference!

  • Remember: just “posting and hoping” is not enough. Plan to put in 4-6 hours of direct outreach in the week leading up to your event – if not more!